When I was a kid I used to love winter. Looking back I cannot understand why that is. Maybe because I didn't have to drive in snow surrounded by assholes who enjoy following two feet from my back bumper while going too fast for dry conditions. Or maybe because of the occasional day off of school. Whatever it is I know for certain that I no longer entertain that sentiment. That's neither here nor there.
What I'm really sick of this particular winter is the constant cold with no end in sight. In light of this apparently helpless situation I've devised a plan to solve my obvious problem. I've decided that I will no longer turn my car off. Whether I'm at work, at home, asleep in bed; my car will be running. Non-stop until this cold weather breaks.
Now I know you're sitting there wondering "Why do you intend to do this Greg?" Well, I'll tell you. Since this "theory" of global warming is so tried and true, perhaps by unleashing a megaton of CO2 into the atmosphere I can singlehandedly change the global temperature a bit and thereby solve this cold weather problem. If you'd like to help me in my mission, it would be greatly appreciated. (By me and your local gas station.)
As a side note I've also toyed with the idea of devising some system of discharging thousands of aerosol cans into the air around the clock. This of course in order to exploit the ozone layer for added warmth. This is still in the planning stages and I'll give you more details as my scheme develops.
Now don't just sit there. Go out and start that car!
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